@Thorvald: Sandy has an old CRT television. She doesn't watch a lot of television to begin with. And good luck getting her to recognize any programs after 2005.
One afternoon saw Alexandra catching up on washing dishes. Before Umi showed up, she had been good about washing them immediately, not even having to use the dishwasher as much since it was easier to hand-wash them in the sink. The only time they had piled up was when she had to leave the house in a rush over and over, and, even then, they did not get very bad.
But Alexandra was quickly learning that Umi had some bad habits. After finding a spoon in one of her sneakers, she realized that Umi, not being used to living in such a large place, readily forgot any dishes that she took with her out of the kitchen. She found bowls on five different windowsills, plates under Umi’s bed and the living room couch, silverware in various desk drawers, and even a half-drunk glass of milk in the back yard. That last item had been particularly vile, and Alexandra found it easier to incinerate the glass with one of her magic bolts rather than deal with it. After all, that particular set was already missing two glasses that she had broken.
Alexandra had been in the middle of washing everything when Umi had returned from her late-morning jog. Alexandra had already run everything through the dishwasher only to find out that the leftover food on most of the dishes would not wash off in spite of being run through the cycle twice. She promptly chewed Umi out and told her to go sit in the living room where she could keep an eye on her from the kitchen while she scraped the dishes off by hand. It was a process, and Alexandra eventually had to resort to using a fork to scrape some of the toughest pieces rather than risk ripping a fingernail off. All the while, she was working on what she was going to say to Umi after everything was clean. Whether she would do it before or after eating lunch was something she had not decided on yet.
BRI RI RI RI! BRI RI RI RI! BRI RI RI RI! BRI RI RI RI!
The phone interrupted her thoughts, and she set the plate she had been scrubbing back into the water. After turning off the tap, she grabbed the towel sitting near the sink and quickly dried her hands. Then she strode to the phone and took it from its cradle. “Hello?” she said into the receiver.
“Ah, Arekusandora-san no ojitaku desu ka?” the female voice on the other end asked. (Ah, is this Alexandra-san’s house?)
“Hai, Arekusandora desu,” Alexandra replied. (Yes, this is Alexandra.)
“Sandi-chan, Reiko desu.” (Sandy-chan, this is Reiko.)
“Ah,” Alexandra said as she recognized Reiko’s voice. “Ohisashiburi.” (Ah, it’s been a while.)
“Hai, ohisashiburi desu,” Reiko replied in a delighted tone. “Saikin wa ogenki desu ka?” (Yes, it has been a while. Have you been doing well lately?)
“Ma, warukunai. Itsumo no koto dake. Reiko-chan wa?” (Well, not bad. Just the usual. How about you, Reiko-chan?)
“Hehe. Itsumo no koto desu. Ah, shikashi, chotto kawatta koto ga okorimashita.” (Hehe. It is the usual. Oh, however, something strange has happened.)
Alexandra was immediately worried. It had been well over a month since Umi had come to live with her. She had forgotten that Umi was frequently Reiko’s backup when things got out of hand. Orenda was often between worlds, so it was difficult to rely on her when she went to Gian; their attempts to establish a working communication system had run afoul of Gian’s turbulent mageiasphere and died horribly. Orthe was not nearly as difficult to contact, but Orenda did not travel there as frequently since Fae also made the occasional visit. And Amako being who she was, she was more than likely to escalate trouble rather than help (assuming she did not start it in the first place). If things were getting out of hand, Alexandra was her only resort since Umi was still barred from going back to Japan.
“Doushita?” Alexandra asked. (What happened?)
“Saikin, koko wa shizuka de, nanka, fukimi na kanji ga shimasu. Nanika ga nakunatte shimatta you nan desu.” (Lately, it has been quiet here, and, well, it is giving an eerie feeling. It is as if something has disappeared.)
“Tatoeba?” (Such as?)
“Nnnnto… Tatoeba tte iwaretemo… Betsu ni sonnani kawatta koto ga okoranakatta desu. Seikaku ni… nanimo okoranakatta desu.” (Welllll… Even if you ask for an example… Nothing that strange has happened. More accurately… nothing has happened.)
Alexandra scowled her confusion at the phone cradle. “Nanimo… okoranakatta,” she repeated. (Nothing… happened.)
“Hai.” (Yes.)
“Tada no heion janai?” (Isn’t that just the quiet?)
Reiko heaved a sigh. “Ma, sore mo sou kamo shirimasen ga…” (Well, it may be that, too, but…)
“Ii jan? Choushizen na yatsura wa anmari sawaganai nara anshin darou? Kiraku ni yare yo.” (Isn’t that good? If the supernatural gang aren’t making that much noise, shouldn’t you be at peace? Take it easy.)
“Choushizen na kata nara itsumo no doori desu. Sawaganai wake ga arimasen yo.” (The supernatural folks are the same as always. There is no way they are not making noise.)
Alexandra had to think a moment. “Hannintachi no hou wa?” (How about the criminals?)
“Ah… sou desu yo! Achira no hou nan desu yo!” (Ah… that’s right! It is that!)
Alexandra sighed. “Umi.”
“Sou, sou! Umi-chan desu yo! Atashi wa itsumo choushizen na jiken ni makikomaremashita kara Umi- chan wa futsuu no keimu o shori shimasu yo! Yoku kangaemashita, Sandi-chan! Atashi wa kidzukanakatta desu!” Reiko paused. “Doushite wakarimashita ka?” (Yeah, yeah! It is Umi-chan! I am always caught up in supernatural cases, so Umi-chan handles the normal police work! Good thinking, Sandy-Chan! I did not realize! How did you know?)
Alexandra had already spent one month not telling the other stories that Umi was living with her. She did not intend to admit it now, but she needed to be careful about what she said to Reiko. Being a police story like Umi, she was inquisitive and highly suspicious if something did not make sense to her.
“Nantonaku…” Alexandra offered up weakly. (Somehow…)
“Iie, douri wa arimasu yo. Amari otagai o mi ni aimasen kara, mochiron, Umi-chan ga kaigai ryokou o suru nante shirimasen.” Alexandra silently sighed in relief. “Naraba, soko no Amerika Gasshuukoku ni imasu yo, ne?” (No, that is reasonable. We do not see each other much, so of course I would not know Umi-chan is on an overseas trip. If so, she is there in the United States, right?)
“Tabun,” Alexandra answered, turning as if to look into the living room. (Maybe.)
“Aah, iya desu,” Reiko breathed with relief. “Akiremashita. Umi-chan ga kaeru toki, mou chotto kanojo to isshou ni sugoshimasu yo. Masaka, ryokou suru nante fuan na koto ja arimasen deshou?” (Oh, this is horrible. I was surprised. When Umi-chan returns, I will spend a little more time with her. Unbelievable, traveling is not the kind of thing to be uneasy about, right?)
“Boku no koto nara shou ga nai…” Alexandra said more to herself than Reiko. (In my case, there’s no choice…)
“Kanarazu, Sandi-chan ni ai ni ikimasu yo ne,” Reiko continued. “Chotto onegai ga arim-”
BANG-KARZHT!! Alexandra jolted at the sound of a gunshot, and Reiko immediately fell silent. Alexandra turned around again. Then she strode to the doorway until the phone cord was at its limit.
She saw Umi staring back in utter horror, a pistol pointed at the wall opposite from her. Alexandra, not standing quite in the doorway, had to crane her neck to see that her large screen CRT television sported a brand new hole in the middle of the screen. Her grip on the phone tightened; it did not take much imagination to see what had just happened.
“Sandi-chan?” Reiko asked. “Ima no oto wa?” (Sandy-chan? What was that noise just now?)
Alexandra held her answer as she glared fire at Umi, who was slowly setting the gun on the floor. “Terebi datta,” she told the phone. (It was the TV.)
“Terebi?” Reiko replied, confused. “Sonnani ookii deshita ka?” (The TV? It was that loud?)
“Ima keshita,” Alexandra replied. “Gomen, Reiko-chan, chotto youji ga aru no de…” (It’s off now. Sorry, Reiko-chan, I kind of have something to do…)
“Ah, hai, wakarimashita,” Reiko said. “Ojama shimashita.” (Oh, yes, I understand. I am interfering.)
“Iya, ii no. Ato de denwa suru.” (No, it’s okay. I’ll call later.)
“Hai. Sore dewa.” The phone subsequently clicked. (Okay. Goodbye.)
Alexandra swiftly marched back to the cradle to hang up the phone. Before Umi could move to slip to the doorway, Alexandra was already a foot into the living room. “YOU SHOT MY TV?!” she immediately screamed at Umi.
“Sono tsumori wa nakatta!” Umi cried, having finally set the gun on the floor. (I didn’t mean to!)
“WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE A GUN?! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT GUN?!”
“M-mitsuketta?” Umi offered weakly. (I-I found it?)
“STEP AWAY!!” Umi did as she was told, and Alexandra strode forward and picked the gun up. Even before putting a hand on it, she recognized the Smith & Wesson 5906 9-millimeter she left secured in her room in case something happened to her GLOCK. She ejected the magazine, the one thing that made the gun dangerous since it came with a magazine safety. A quick glance at the holes on the side showed her that, other than the round that had just been fired and the subsequent round that the gun would have chambered, the magazine was full. She slipped the magazine into the pocket of her jeans and pulled the slide back to clear the round onto the couch. It hit the window behind the couch instead, the sound causing Umi to jerk.
“What in the hell are you doing with my gun?” Alexandra asked as she set the 9-millimeter on the armrest next to her. “I had this in my gun safe in my room.”
“Koodo o kureta,” Umi replied, still turned as if to protect herself from an incoming punch. “Oboeteru no? Ni nen mae?” (You gave me the code. Remember? Two years ago?)
“I told you the code in case something happened to me and one of you needed to borrow it,” Alexandra told her. “Do you have the holster?” Umi gave a slight nod. “You’re wearing my gun, Umi. What is wrong with you?”
“Jibun no juu o mottenai no de, chotto… fuan na kanji ga suru…” Umi told her, shrugging her shoulders. (I don’t have my own gun, so… I was feeling a little uneasy…)
“Well, I’m a little uncomfortable knowing you are walking around with my gun,” Alexandra snapped at her. “Didn’t the shit you start in Japan teach you anything? Maybe about proper gun safety, at least?” She pointed. “Why the hell’d you shoot out my TV?” Umi moaned. “Huh?”
“Chotto… hara tateta.” (I kind of… lost my temper.)
“At my TV?”
“I-iie. Terebi bangumi datta.” (N-no. It was the TV show.)
“What program?”
Umi looked down at the floor and started turning her shoulders like a child not wanting to fess up to the trouble they had caused. “Nan tte iu ka… houtei bangumi datta.” (How should I say… it was a court show.)
“A court program? What’s that?”
“Houtei no bideo rokuka o miseru bangumi da. Tetsudzuki to ka senkoku to ka, sou iu koto no igai na jiken o miseru.” (It’s a program that shows court video footage. Proceedings and sentencing and such, it shows unusual occurrences of those things.)
“I’ve never heard of that before.”
“Maa, ni sen ni juu nendai no bangumi dakara…” (Well, it’s a program from the 2020’s…)
Alexandra gestured at her television again. “You’re watching something like that, why would you get mad? I’d think you would enjoy watching something like that!”
“Atari mae da. Shikkashi ne…” (Of course. But, well…)
“What?”
“Amerika no hannin no koto shiranai no? Doitsu mo koitsu mo donna riyuu demo baka no koto o shinakya ikenai no you ni waruguchi o itte ranbou na koto o shite mukatsuku mon da!” (Don’t you know about American criminals? This one and that, they all cuss and do violent things like they have not choice but to do stupid things no matter the reason, and it’s disgusting!)
Alexandra shrugged her shoulders. “Isn’t that criminal behavior anyway?”
“Sorya sou dakedo, kaiteichuu?” (That may be, but _during court_?)
“What do you mean?”
“Tatoeba saki no jiken. Shuushinkei o senkoku sareta hitogoroshi wa hara tatete, jibun no bengoshi no kao o nagutte kizetsu saseta. Sore kara, kenji o kougeki shiyou to suru hannin wa teiritachi de taorarenakereba nakatta. Teezaajuu made tsukawanakya!” (Like the last case. Some murderer who was sentenced to life punched his own lawyer in the face and knocked him out. And then, he was taken down by the bailiffs when he went to attack the prosecutor! They even had to use their tasers.)
Alexandra had crossed her arms and put on an irritated glare which Umi had not noticed since she was clearly working herself up again. “So, you got fed up and shot out my TV?” she said in a flat tone.
Her question snapped Umi back into the moment, and the younger story hunched her shoulders in embarrassment. “H-hai…” she replied. (Y-yes…)
“I can sympathize with you for that, I really can,” Alexandra told her. “But pulling a gun and shooting anything is a good way for you to get thrown out of my house. And I am pissed that you decided to carry my gun as your own sidearm; that gun stays here for a reason. So I’m going to put down a few more rules.
“First, if I ever find you carrying my gun again, that mattress you’re using is going down the Potomac so you can revive in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. That gun stays here.
“Second. I have spent all morning finding your dishes and scrubbing them clean. From now on, you eat in the kitchen. I have a dining table for a reason; use it.
“And three. If I find my dishes anywhere except the kitchen, you are going to clean them. By hand; you don’t even look at my dishwasher. In fact, you can go finish the dishes in the sink right now.”
“Okay, Sandy…” Umi said. Alexandra moved aside and let Umi walk past and into the kitchen.
Tk. Alexandra then glanced behind her at the sound of what she thought was a piece of glass falling out of the television screen. And she quickly realized that, in the time that she had been scolding Umi, the internal components of the television had caught fire, the flames barely visible beyond the blown-out glass.
She heaved an exhausted sigh. “Aw, shit…”
Just Like Elvis by @fragmented_imagination (B Sanders)
Because, sometimes, reality TV can really piss you off.
Although Sandy has magic, her stories feature characters with guns as well simply because a gun can be ready to fire if you can't work magic fast enough. She only ever carries smaller firearms; Umi, on the other hand, would prefer assault rifles or at least sidearms common to the police force that is center to her stories. So, naturally, Umi can be a little insecure when she doesn't have a gun.
© 2023 B Sanders
Easily frustrated?
Reckless discharge of a firearm?
Would rather smash than clean the dishes? Good thing Umi wasn't watching the BBC...
The fact Sandy is completely ignorant of courtroom television is weirdly wholesome. :P