El Thorvaldo Moderator

Trying too hard
Trying too hard by @Thorvald (El Thorvaldo)

So even though I have about a week left and I'm not even halfway done the Story, I decided to spend three-and-a-half days sketching this. I don't know why I always decide to further complicate an already difficult setting by doing postures I've never practiced, but this turned out a lot better than I'd hoped. Skyline would have actually been a thing, but just my luck that full 3D rendering in Google Earth cuts out precisely over the downtown core. If you look reeeeally closely, you can see Stylesrj pinned to the ground, and Stylesjl laughing at his misfortune.

Also, I've been meaning to say it for ages but never did, so I'll state it now: You know you've been in the game too long when you can tell which individual pixels are yours or not. =P


OSLO, 14:13h

Max Payne: "I didn't like the way the show started..."
Tony Abbott: "Nor*way*? More like Nor*gay! ...Eh? Ehhh..?"
Cricket: "..."
Pedestrian: "Ja, Norge. Hva er poenget ditt?"
Max Payne: "...You're killin' me."

Max Payne: "Did you come up with that yourself, or did you get some PAYNEis downstairs to come up with it? —Don't answer that."
Tony Abbott: "Peno-an—"
Tony Abbott: "..."
Max Payne: "A rhetorical question."

Meanwhile, in [REDACTED], downtown...

Peter: "What did you say your field was?"
Vivie: "Aerospace engineering."
Peter: "Well then you will love this room! It's where we keep all the stuff we stea—borrow from Coruscant."
Vivie: "Oh, what's this?"
Peter: "'Essential Amplification Ray mk.IV'. Hm, says here it easily and effortlessly extrapolates the core properties of organic matter."
Vivie: "So, it could make this ice cream more flavourful, or something?"
Peter: "I don't know; let's find out!"

At the harbourfront...

Cpt. Mainwaring: "Where the devil is Walker? He and Frazer were due back fifteen minutes ago!"
LCP Jones: "Permission to speak, Sir!"
Cpt. Mainwaring: "Granted."
LCP Jones: "I recall he mentioned he wanted to visit the Spektrum stadium, Mr. Mainwaring, sir."
Cpt. Mainwaring: "The Spektrum? They don't have time to see a show this afternoon!"
Sgt. Wilson: "If I may say so, Sir, I suspect they aren't going to the stadium."
Cpt. Mainwaring: "What do you mean?"
Sgt. Wilson: "If I recall correctly, there is a selection of pubs in the neighbourhood..."
Cpt. Mainwaring: "...Right. Jones, go after them."
LCP Jones: "Yessir!"
Sgt. Wilson: "Do you think that's wise, Sir?"
Cpt. Mainwaring: "The air show begins in less than an hour. I will not have my men disgrace Her Majesty's Air Force by showing up drunk in uniform!"
Sgt. Wilson: "I meant, Sir, do you think it's wise to send Jones off on his own? None of us are especially familiar with the city, after all."
Cpt. Mainwaring: "Good thinking, Wilson. Go after him."

Back in [REDACTED]...

Vivie: "...Nah, doesn't taste any different."
Peter: "Ah, well, might be a dud. Could be worse: one time in New Port we stumbled across something called a Force Multiplier, and I wound up—"
Vivie: "Uh, Mr. Gradunov?"
Peter: "Please, call me P—roklyat'ye..."

Outside the Film House...

Mikhail: "...I'm not really one for art-house films, but the bill tonight looks interesting."
Rudolph: "Well then, let's go find Peter and see if he wants to make a night of it. Hopefully he hasn't got himself into too much trouble."
Mikhail: "I wouldn't worry; he's giving that English guest the guided tour, so he'd have to be on his best behaviour."
A police car races by, siren blaring.
Rudolph: [shudders]

Meanwhile, to the east...

Tour Guide: "Look up... waaaaay up... and you'll see a visiting foreign student. The University of Oslo's six-week summer programmes attract over six hundred students worldwide each year."
Student 1: "Why is she like, three hundred feet tall?"
Dr. Insano: "Because SCIENCE!!"
Student 2: "Why is she a fox?"
Max Payne: "Don't answer that. A rhetorical question."

Vivie: "Well, this is turning into a trip I'll never forget."
Pte. Walker: "Blimey, I haven't even had a pint and already I'm seeing things!"
Pte. Frazer: "We're doomed!"

Stylesrj: "Taxi! TAXI! To the Ministry of Science, and step on it!"
Max Payne elbows him out of the way.
Max Payne: "Sorry, baby. Max Payne comes first."
Cab drives off.
Stylesrj: "Frell! Not only did I not sleep on the flight, now I'll be late for my own introductory address! I bet CERN's gonna plagiarize it, too. Could this day get any worse?!"
Stylesjl: "Hey, Bro. Look up."
Stylesrj: "NOOOOOO—!!" Stylesrj is smothered in melted white chocolate ice cream.
Stylesjl: "Well that's unfortunate."
Vivie: "Sorry!"

8½ minutes later...

Max Payne: "I was already so far past the point of no return I couldn't even remember what it looked like when I had passed the point of no return I passed the point of no return I passed the turn I point of no re—"
Rudolph and Mikhail nearly collide with Peter as they speed around a corner.
Peter: "Hey, Rudolph, Mikhail. How are things..?"
Rudolph: "Fine..."
Mikhail: "Where's Ms. Hamilton?"
Peter: "Funny story, that! You see—"
Rudolph: "What did you do..?"
Peter: "And what makes you think I did anything..?"
Max Payne: "Don't answer that. A rhetorical question."

Back at the scene...

Sgt. Wilson: "...Well, now I really have seen everything."
Sgt. Wilson: "Jones, please, the local constabulary seems to have the situation under control."
Pte. Walker: "'Ey there, Jonesey! Mr. Wilson. What d'you reckon 'bout this, then?"
LCP Jones: "I've seen some Fuzzy-Wuzzies when I was in the Sudan, but those Fuzzy-Wuzzies were never so fuzzy-wuzzy as that young lady there, that's for sure!"
Pte. Walker: "Aye, bit more the vixen than your Mrs. Fox, eh?"
LCP Jones: "You have a right cheek, you do! If Mr. Mainwaring were here he'd chew you up for disrespecting a damsel in distress!"
Pte. Walker: "Damsel in distress? By 'eck, she could stomp out Adolf's armies all by herself!"
Pte. Frazer: "Ooh, I dinnae like the look o' those wee lads o'er yon, all slack-jawed and hungry-eyed..."
Pte. Walker: "Nuffin' to worry 'bout, they're prob'ly just pining for her ice cream."
The three men glare at him.
Pte. Walker: "What, I'm taking about that confection there in 'er 'and! ...And all over that guy on the sidewalk. What'd you think I meant?"
Max Payne: "Don't answer that..."
Sgt. Wilson: "I'm sorry, who are you?"

Vivie: "Anybody have a spare giant camera? This is actually a really good view."
Thorvald is chatting with a group of police officers.
Thorvald: "...Well get it sorted out before the furries start a pilgrimage!–Oh hey, there's CG."
Thorvald fiddles with a megaphone.
Rudolph: "Excuse me, Sir?"
Thorvald: "YES, WHAT'S UP—Oh God, sorry, sorry!"
Mikhail: "We came to lend a hand in the present situation."
Thorvald: "You know what happened?"
Peter: "Sorta. I was showing her the Treasure Trove and we must've found another gigantifier. I swear, half of Coruscanti R&D must be dedicated to those things..."
CG: [stares at scene, not sure if want]


Cpt. Mainwaring: "The bus leaves in three minutes. They'd better have a good excuse."
Sgt. Wilson: "There was an incident downtown in which a Union soldier accidentally caused a humanoid lady fox to grow to a tremendous height."
Pte. Walker: "All true, guv. In all the excitement we didn't even get to hit the pub!"
Cpt. Mainwaring: "...You never cease to amaze me, Wilson."

That's right. That crossover actually just happened. This is probably the closest we'll ever see to my brain on drugs.
Did I really just spend 4 hours writing this?

CivGeneral, Stylesrj, Stylesjl & Tony Abbott © themselves;
Max Payne © Remedy Entertainment; sketches based on this video by kitty0706;
Dr. Insano © Noah Antwiler;
Dad's Army © the BBC;
All other characters © me.

[Originally submitted to DeviantArt November 2014.]

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